Normal Just Hates Me Today
by Schrodinger no Neko
Summary: Sometime after the series ends (I haven't read House of Hades yet so may be plot inconsistencies) Percy returns home, to what he thinks will be as close to a normal life as possible. Well, that isn't happening. Warning: This is a crackfic. Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1:Owl Pellets!

**I don't own anything. Read and review please!**

**OWL PELLETS **

Percy scrambled into his biology class just after the bell rang.  
>"Late again, Jackson?" asked the teacher.<br>"Sorry." He sat down and pulled out a pencil and paper.  
>"As you know," began the teacher, "lately we have been studying blah blah blah and blah and whatever and today we will be dissecting-"<br>Squeals of disgust rose from a few of the girls in the class. "EWWW!" they chorused.  
>"Well, today we will be dissecting-" [insert dramatic music] "-OWL PELLETS!"<p>

_Owl pellets. Hmm. _Percy tried not to think of Annabeth, his amazing girlfriend who he hadn't seen since school started about a month ago. _Do not think of her. She is not an owl, or a pellet. That's creepy. It's just that Annabeth is a daughter of Athena, and her symbol is an owl, and the owl pellets were made by owls, and they are a symbol of_-Percy shook his head. _Enough crap about owl pellets. _  
>"Jackson! Pay attention!"<br>Percy picked up his pencil.

During the lab, he could not get his mind off Annabeth. _Those stupid owl pellets! _A strange shadow passed by the small window in the classroom door, and Percy thought there was someone out there. It could be a monster. Or just a creeper. Or it could be... Annabeth. _AARGH! I have to stop thinking about her. Maybe I should go splash some water on my face and clear my brain. _He went up to the teacher's desk. "I, um, could I go to the nurse's office? I don't feel good," Percy lied. He had to get out of class and find that creeper, and take his mind off Annabeth while at it.  
>The teacher wrote him a pass, and he threw his stuff into his backpack and hightailed it out of class.<p>

Percy glanced down the hallway for any signs of the mystery visitor. Nothing. He kept walking, determined to find the creeper. A mysterious figure hurried down the hall toward Percy, and his nerves tingled. _Who is that? Is it a monster? _The stranger was wearing a black shirt and jeans, messy dark hair covering its face, if it had one. Percy couldn't tell; the stranger had its head down. It was teenager-sized, albeit a bit on the short side, but with the slight build of an unfortunate freshman who hadn't yet hit his growth spurt. Percy's hand involuntarily strayed to his pocket containing Riptide, then dropped to his side when he realized who the stranger was and what he was holding.

It was Nico, with a hall pass in his hand. "What are you staring at?"  
>"Er...nothing. What are you doing here?"<br>"I'm at school. What else?"  
>"Since when?"<br>"Last week. I'm also going to be living with your family, in case your mom hasn't told you yet. Long story. I'll tell you later." Nico walked off.

_Since when does Nico show up at my school? He could have been that creeper. No, he isn't. _Percy's thoughts drifted back to Annabeth. Curse those stupid owl pellets and that stupid lab. They could fall into Tartarus for all he cared. Annabeth would not be wandering around his school. Definitely not. She was probably back home in San Francisco, at her own school. It was a funny thought, Wise Girl having to go to school the same way that he did. _Annabeth could be that creeper. She probably already graduated and moved to Olympus to supervise all the architecture stuff. No, she couldn't!_

An arm grabbed Percy from behind and nearly strangled him in what was either a choke hold or a back death hug. "Hey, Seaweed Brain. Long time no see. I can't believe you ran away from those owl pellets, you wimp!"

Percy nearly jumped with surprise and joy. "Annabeth?!"

**So, how did you like it? Sorry for all the loose ends, this is only the first chapter. Keep checking for updates!**


	2. Chapter 2: Amnesia

**I own nothing... don't sue. Another one-shot of randomness. teehee.**

**AMNESIA...**

The doorbell rang obnoxiously with a sick dying-cow-meets-bee noise. "Mom, we have to fix that doorbell," Percy reminded his mother.  
>"I know. I'll get it. You have to finish your homework, some of your grades have slipped into your father's territory."<br>"Mom!" Sure, a few of Percy's grades were swimming below C level (**A/N: I know, stupid pun) **but whoever was at the door was way more interesting than his history textbook. After all, it was a Saturday morning, Percy's teacher stepdad had forced him to miss a few glorious hours of sleeping in and now his mother loved the idea, and procrastination was only the normal thing to do.

"Hello?" Percy heard his mother ask.  
>"Are you Sally Jackson?" inquired an elderly, raspy voice.<br>"Yes." There was a pause. "Who are you?"  
>The old woman cackled. "That doesn't matter. You have agreed to blah blah blah and legal obligations this and some-or-another-formalities-that blah blah blah call me if you have any problems. Or call Hades."<p>

_What?! Call Hades? What's going on? _Percy wondered. He slammed his face into his textbook, resisting the urge to pull out Riptide and guard the door. It sounded like a monster.

"Percy?" his mother called after the weirdo from the door had left. There was some shuffling outside his door. "Nico is here."

_this day gets even more confusing. Aargh. What's he doing here? _Percy left his boring textbook in favor of finding out exactly what was going on. "Hi, Nico."  
>"Hi, Percy."<br>The awkward silence that followed was more awkward than...um...an awkward silence.  
>Percy's mother smiled. "I have to leave for work now. Percy, please finish your homework. Paul will be home sometime this afternoon. (<strong>AN: I don't remember if Sally and Paul Blofis got married. Anyway, let's say they did, for the purpose of this story.) **And you-" she turned to Nico-"find something to do that does not involve bothering Percy before he finishes his homework." she left.

"What kind of conspiracy is this?" scowled Nico. "First, I end up at some stupid school where everyone seems to hate me, and I'm living by myself in the sketchiest neighborhood that's in the area of the school. Then one of my dad's minions tells me to pack my stuff and get over here right away. It tells me I'm going to be living here for the rest of the year and just dumps me here, and your mom thinks I'm just a random friend here to hang out even though I'm carrying a suitcase and IT told her a lot of crap about legal obligations and whatever."  
>Percy shrugged. "I have no idea. No one said anything to me."<br>"I just did. Now tell me the truth. What's going on?" A very familiar-looking plant rested on Percy's windowsill, visible through the open door of Percy's room. "Is that...the same plant you had there the first time I came here?" (**A/N: ****_The Titan's Curse_****, or maybe another one of the books. at the end of the book, Nico shows up at Percy's apartment.)**  
>"you've been here before? I don't remember that."<br>"I have. but I don't remember when. or why. I've just been here before." Nico's voice broke. "I don't even know who you are, or what you want from me! The whole freaking world, no one remembers anything, I don't remember anything..."  
>"Congratulations! You two have just won an all-expenses-paid trip to..." A tall woman in a business suit stood next to them.<br>"Who are you?" snapped Nico.  
>"And what are you doing here?" <em>Gods, <em>though Percy. _That's the five millionth time I've asked that question in two days.  
><em>"Nowhere!" exclaimed the woman. "I'm Jeannie Mnemosyne, and I will be your host for today."  
>Nico twisted his skull ring anxiously. Percy rolled his eyes. "just get to the point already."<br>the woman sighed. "okay, okay. I'm actually the goddess Lethe, as in the river Lethe, and have you had any amnesia lately? I'm here to help."  
>"Amnesia?"<br>"Yes, amnesia. Forgetting."  
><em>Amnesia. Hmmm.<em> Percy frowned. _I've forgotten a lot of things. Speaking of forgetting, who am I, and where am I, and...  
><em>Nico avoided eye contact with Lethe. "I don't remember who you are, or who I am, or why I'm here, but I don't trust you." He gripped the hilt of his sword, which he'd forgotten was there. Wait, what was a sword? And what was amnesia?  
>Lethe giggled. "Care for some soda?" She produced two cans of Sprite from her briefcase.<br>"What's that?" asked Percy.  
>Nico jumped up from the chair he had been sitting in, brandishing his sword at Percy. "Who are you, and what do you want?!"<br>Percy smirked and pulled out Riptide. "'My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'" He lunged at Nico, who parried his sword strokes with a high level of skill considering that he had forgotten pretty much everything. The two boys circled each other, in a full-on swordfight while Lethe watched, amused. suddenly Percy fell backwards, a red stain blooming on his shoulder. Lethe doused him with water from a fire hose, also from her briefcase which was now starting to look more and more like Dora's Backpack, and he healed and jumped back into the fight. "Okay, break it up," she said.  
>The boys put away their swords.<br>"You must be tired. And sweaty. Ew, it smells like BO in here." Lethe sprayed Axe all over the apartment. "Snap out of it, you two. Aren't you ashamed of yourselves, sons of the Big Three, fighting like that?" She vanished without a trace. Nope, not even the scent of Axe.

Percy blinked. He finally remembered the question he was going to ask, before getting derailed by the five million "What are you doing here's" of the past two days. "So," he asked Nico, "What are you doing here?" Okay, five million and one.  
>"Well, Hades thought it would be a good idea for me to have somewhere to stay in the real world, outside of camp, so he sent me here, of all places. I don't know why. Probably just couldn't think of anywhere else."<br>"Well, it's kind of close to camp."  
>"Not my first choice."<p>

"Well, where would you have gone? Boarding school in Rome? The Bermuda Triangle, you know, the sea of monsters?" Percy just got a really stupid idea. "Calypso's island?"  
>Nico ignored him. "So your mom didn't tell you I was staying here? Forgetful."<br>"That's why I saw you at school yesterday."  
>Nico bit his lip, hoping what he was going to say wouldn't be completely stupid. "Ever feel like you've forgotten something important, but you don't know what it is, or why, and you just don't remember anything?"<br>"Amnesia?"

**So...how are you liking the story so far? Review please! Flames welcome. I love suggestions. **

**Oh yeah, it's not over yet. **

**And check out my stuff on Fiction Press! I have the same user name FYI.**


	3. Chapter 3: Moon Cakes

**WHERE ARE ALL THE REVIEWS?! HAVE THEY ALL VANISHED WITHOUT ME KNOWING?!**

**Enough rambling and let's get on with the story.**

**I own nothing.**

**MOON CAKES**

"Hey, Frank," Percy said over the phone (demigods could now have cell phones because of Leo's latest invention, cell phones that didn't attract monsters. Too bad they were super dumb phones)

"I'm going on a date with Hazel this afternoon," Frank replied.

"Where?"

"Chinatown. It's the Mid-Autumn Festival, so we're going to see a street performance and eat moon cakes."

"What are those?"

"Hard to explain. It's a traditional Chinese dessert that's like...Look it up. I have to go soon. Bye." Frank hung up.

Percy poured himself a bowl of cereal and a glass of milk and sat down at the table. Sally smiled at him. "I was wondering when you were going to get up," she said. "It's almost noon. When's Annabeth coming?"

_What? It's almost noon?! _If this was an anime, Percy would have sweatdropped. "Oh crap! She's coming over at noon!" He stood up abruptly and left the table then fled to his room to get ready for his date. He scampered to brush his teeth and dug through the closet in an aimless panic, tripping over Nico's still unpacked suitcase. _Why doesn't he just unpack the stupid suitcase? He got here a week ago._ "NICO!" Percy yelled, forgetting that Nico was visiting camp for the weekend. "UNPACK YOUR [CENSORED] SUITCASE!"

"Language, Percy," Sally reminded him.

Finally Percy managed to throw on a shirt and shorts just as the doorbell rang. He scrambled to greet Annabeth at the door. She grinned. "Hi, Seaweed Brain. Did you just wake up?"

Percy blushed. "Yup."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "You never change."

"Where are you two going and when will you get back?" Sally asked quickly changing the subject.

"Wanna go to Chinatown?" Percy suggested. "Frank and Hazel are going in San Francisco for the Mid-Autumn Festival or something." Annabeth always liked some kind of educational-sounding adventure.

"Sure, why not? I have to be back at camp by nine otherwise the harpies will get me. I'm just visiting, but, still," replied Annabeth.

"Sounds fine with me," Sally said. "Have fun!" She sent them out the door.

"Since we're going to Chinatown, why don't we get lunch first? Then we can go to the street fair on [whatever] street. They have a martial arts demonstration and the legend of the Moon Festival. After that we should have dinner and go home," Annabeth was already planning.

"Aargh," muttered Percy. "It's too early for this."

"It's 12:30. Maybe food will de-zombify your brain."

They found a small, cheap family-run restaurant that Percy immediately regretted going to because the waitress barely understood him (and he didn't understand her either most of the time) and the menu was confusing. He decided to try the "Chinese Sandwich Pockets" which did not look or taste at all like sandwiches.

"I told you to get chow fun or something you know what it is," Annabeth said.

After that they headed for the street fair. Vendors yelled at them in Chinese to buy whatever they were selling and small children ran around screaming. Percy accidentally ran into a little girl with her black hair in two tight buns, causing her to fall down and cry. Her mother apologized profusely while the father cussed him out in Chinese. Annabeth was fascinated with the calligraphy booth and dragged Percy there, and after fifteen minutes they ended up with scrolls of Chinese characters and hands covered in ink. Percy's main interest was the kung fu demonstration and that one guy pretending to eat fire. He took a pixelated picture of it and sent it to Leo, who sent him back a picture of him pretending to eat his own fire off a fork.

Later in the afternoon Percy and Annabeth bought moon cakes from a bakery and sat on a park bench to enjoy them. "That was kind of interesting," Percy remarked about the legend of the Moon Lady.

"I wonder where the gods fall into it," said Annabeth. "Probably something to do with Artemis."

"You got that right." A voice asserted behind them. It was the moon goddess herself. "I go up there every year to visit my friends the Jade Rabbit and Wu-gang the woodcutter. They live on the moon. Someone must have seen me flying up there and started the legend."

"I never knew that," Annabeth said. "Hey, Thalia. How do you like the Moon Festival?"

"Never been to one before," Thalia replied. "I just went to check on Jason and Piper. They're also in Chinatown in California."

Percy laughed. "It must have been Frank's idea first."

"I gotta go," Thalia said. "I'm busy, but just dropped in to say hi. Bye." She and Artemis disappeared.

"Gods," said Annabeth, "we haven't hung out since forever, and when she actually shows up it's only for a few seconds."

"I still don't believe you were considering joining the Hunters," Percy commented.

"Actually, I don't. I'm glad I didn't." Annabeth wrapped her arm around Percy and she gave him a kiss.

"_Ei! Ni men! Ni men wang ji le ni men de qian!" _**A/N: Hey you guys, you forgot your money **It was the bakery owner yelling at them from the counter.

"We don't speak Chinese," stated Annabeth.

"You forget your change! unless leave tip. Five dollar big tip for Wang Xian-Sheng **A/N: Mr. Wang**. You want?"

Percy sheepishly scooped up his change from the counter.

Annabeth grinned. "Some things never change."

"I guess not."

"You didn't get it, Seaweed Brain!"

**Did you get it? **

**Thanks for reading! Review please and flames welcome! Next chapter coming soon.**

**~Schrodinger no Neko**


	4. Chapter 4: You're an IDIOT!

**Yo what up, guys? Neko's back! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've been busy with school, writing other stuff, drawing AU Tokyo Mew Mew and PJO pics, and my way too many instruments.**

**NEKO OWN NOTHING!**

**T'ES UN IDIOT!**

Nico fished around in his backpack for a pen, his last one had just gone to Elysium for a lifetime of hard, messy, inky work in the service of the Ghost King. Finding none he asked the guy sitting next to him for one, just before his teacher could yell at him for talking during a test. _Gods,_ he thought irritably, _why am I at this stupid school, taking this stupid French test? _He knew the answer to that, but like with all important questions, it never hurts to ask again. Nico racked his brain for everything he'd learned so far, which had flown away faster than a Dragonite (**A/N: Go random irrelevant Pokémon references! Yeah!**) as soon as the test papers had been passed out.

Half an hour, a lot of wasted ink, and even more blood, sweat, and tears later, Monsieur Effrayant (**means scary because I couldn't find a decent translation for psycho**) collected all the tests and distributed them for grading. that was only one of his faults, student grading. Other than that he was a perverted creep who seemed to be attracted to anyone and everyone. We will say no more for the purposes of keeping it K+, so let your imaginations run wild.

"Don't corrupt me any further," Nico said to the hordes of citrus-fans out there who are probably reading this right now. "I'm already scarred for life, gosh darn it!" Except, knowing Nico, he never says gosh darn it, and not in this case either.

So Schrodinger no Neko stepped in and told him, "You're breaking the fourth wall, Death Breath," before he could do any damage to our story. Neko intelligently vanished like a ninja before he could yell, "Stop calling me Death Breath!" that didn't stop him from saying the aforementioned words, so Neko brought in our old bestie Lethe to erase the readers' and Nico's memories of breaking the fourth wall.

FINALLY! We can continue. (Gods, Nico, thanks for being so difficult!)

Gabrielle's POV (Don't worry, not a Mary Sue OC. I HATE Mary Sues)

Remind me why I am forced to grade the ink-drenched paper of the class oddball, not to mention the class idiot, for the third time in a row. Who does this Monsieur Effrayant think he is, Cupid? I have no desire to touch anything that stupid emo boy has had his hands on, especially not a test paper that half the answers are wrong!

Breaking the fourth wall again: "You're right," Neko affirmed her.

"Who are you?"

"LETHE!"

Back to story (third person POV): Gabrielle wrote a giant F across the page, thinking, _T'es un idiot, Nico. Un idiot qui est si stupide, ton cerveau doit etre plein des trous comme le fromage Suisse._ (**You're an idiot, Nico. An idiot who is so stupid, your brain must be full of holes, like Swiss cheese**) She was from Canada and had spoken French with her family since she was young; she just wanted her easy A without having to deal with strange people like Nico. She shoved the repulsive paper back at M. Effrayant.

Breaking the fourth wall: "Can you quit switching points of view every freaking paragraph?! You're giving me a headache," snapped Nico.

Neko chuckled evilly. "_Je suis une personne terrible, et tu le deja sais. Je peux faire que je veux faire, parce que je suis l'auteur."_ (**I'm a terrible person, you already know that. I can do what I want because I'm the author. Guys, I'm tormenting him with French! Get over it! Who doesn't like to see the main character getting the crap annoyed out of him?!)**

"Stop it, or I'm sending you to my dad."

"You can't. I don't exist in your universe, AND I"M THE GOSH DARN MOTHER OF TURTLES JELLYFISH CREATING ZARKING AUTHOR!"

"That's it."

"LETHE!" *leaves*

Back to story. Third person POV.

Anyway...Nico didn't need to look at his paper to know what it said. He wadded it up and dropped it into the recycle bin because if Persephone found out, she'd tell her mom, who would be annoyed to say the least and you know what I mean by that, as he walked out the door and made a fast break for the gates of freedom.

"Hey!" The voice stopped Nico in his tracks.

"What?" It was Gabrielle.

"_Tu es un idiot._"

**REVIEW PLEASE! I don't want to be one of those jerks who doesn't post until they get a certain number of reviews, but I'm gonna have to do that now. I will not put up a new chapter until I get 3 reviews. I love suggestions and all flames go to...um...Hestia? No, everyone does that. How about...LEO VALDEZ?!**

**Disclaimer: This chapter was created solely for comic relief and a ton of breaking the fourth wall AND advancement of the plot.**

**Watch for Gabrielle and M. Effrayant in WAY later chapters...**

**Over and out!-Schrodinger no Neko**


	5. Chapter 5: Duck Tape

**Hey, Neko's back! School is finally over (whee!) and all my senior friends have left me (sob). Anyway, read it already.**

* * *

><p><strong>DUCK TAPE<strong>

_Bzhht! Brbbszhhtt! _Percy jumped off the couch and ran to answer the door. _We need to fix the doorbell_, he thought and opened the door to a run-of-the-mill mailman with a Slender Man-sized package next to him, and a caduceus on his hat. "Hi, Hermes."

"You have mail, Perseus Jackson," Hermes replied and proceeded to sing "you have mail" loudly and obnoxiously.

"THANKS, HERMES," Percy yelled and dragged the package inside, wishing Nico was here to shadow-travel inside, taking the package with him. Anyway, as soon as the package was inside, still right side up because there just had to be one of those stupid "This Side Up" labels, Percy shut the door. He unfortunately was still able to hear Hermes' annoying singing. Oh well, at least he wasn't pulling an Apollo and making up annoying haiku to go with it. Percy plugged his demigod iPhone into a weird-looking but awesome trident-shaped speaker and turned up the volume full blast. Finally, after about twenty minutes, Percy turned off the music, opened the door, and found no Hermes.

He stood on a chair and started cutting the tape on the package. The outer box fell open, revealing another box, and a letter. Percy opened the letter and read it:

_To whom it may concern:_

_Thank you for taking care of my son Nico. He is accustomed to the Underworld, but he needs more interactions with sentient living beings because he is half human. In addition to this fact, he should learn to live in the living world now, otherwise he is going to get screwed over sometime later with all his wandering, traveling, and whatnot._

_Sincerely, Hades, Lord of the Dead_

Laughing, Percy folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Then he got back to work on the box. He sliced it open, only to find that it was another, slightly smaller box. He cut that one open too. And it was another box.

And another and another and another box inside a box inside a box inside a...

Finally, after about a million years and a few ambrosia breaks to cure all the paper cuts, tape cuts, and box-cutting-thingy cuts, there was only one box left. Percy opened it up, only to find one item, which was...

* * *

><p><strong>So what do you think it is? I'll tell you next chapter, which will come after at least 5 reviews! Obviously you have to guess in the review. And sorry not sorry for OOC-ness. Maybe I should tell you next time so you can prepare better. And in your review, leave a random word or phrase or object for me to work into my story. I have the plot figured out but I need some extra randomness to make it awesome. <strong>

**See ya later, Neko**

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><p>a single roll of blue, wave-pattern Duck Tape.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6: SOAP DISASTER!

**SOAP DISASTER!**

**Sorry if there are format problems or it is hard to read, because I wrote this on an iPhone from Taiwan (Taipei to be specific) and I don't have a word processor. Oh yeah,this is a crackfic so crack pairing alert.**

Soap. It was covering him, filling his mouth, his nose, his lungs; he was literally drowning in soap. What a dumb way to die, especially for a son of Hades.

Okay. Let's start from the beginning.

Enter Nico, son of Hades. The setting is some kind of ghost town that's not in the Underworld. And Nico happens to be wandering around in it for no reason whatsoever.

Cut to the story because it's getting awkward writing in third person present tense.

Nico trooped through the abandoned streets of the dusty old city. He could tell from the many tall buildings that it had once been a very lively place, maybe a modern capital city. _Did I shadow travel into the future? I didn't think that is possible, _he thought. _Maybe it is, but I just never realized it before._

He walked on, searching for any signs of life (of which there were none anyway but he kept searching.)

Finally Nico came to a really, really tall building that appeared to be the heart of the city. Seeing that it was as old and abandoned as the rest, he opened the creaky door and walked in. Which turned out to be a hge mistake. The large high ceilinged chamber he'd walked into upon entry immediately started filling with a sinister foamy, spongy substance. Nico tried to run, but he was frozen in place, just like in a nightmare. Then after recovering his logic, he attempted to shadow travel, but also to no avail. By now the substance had filled the chamber to where it was up to Nico's chest, and he started to panic, but not befor realizing what he was drowning in.

Soap. It was covering him, filling his mouth, his nose, his lungs; he was literally drowning in soap. What a dumb way to die, especially for a son of Hades. Nico was completely and totally freaking out by now, to the point where he was pondering the worth of his life. _What have I done that gives my pathetic life any worth? I don't know. Then again it's not like there's anyone who would care that I'm dead. Well, Hazel maybe, and...screw that. Not Gabrielle. I don't know why I think I'll miss her in the underworld. _

The soap rose, and Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, was going back to where he came from. Where he belonged.

Suddenly he felt a strong impact on his side, and heard a thump indicating he had landed on something hard. Opening his eyes, he realized that...

He wasn't dead and it had only been a nightmare. And to add to that revelation he had just fallen off the bed right in time for Sally to yell from the kitchen something inane about school starting in five minutes. _Five minutes? What? Okay then. Maybe I should just skip class again. But then I'll be out of both absences AND tardies for the semester and I've only been there for a month... And, oh gods, Hades..._

Nico di Angelo was officially screwed.

**Well, that was anticlimactic. Anyway thanks for reading and dealing with my random humor (after all this is a crackfic) but no thanks for not reviewing.**

**Until next chapter, Neko**


	7. Chapter 7: Stag Hunters

**Hey everyone, Schrodinger no Neko is back! I know I haven't updated since who knows when, but it's junior year and I've been super busy with marching band, studying for AP tests, and such. I actually should be studying for my SAT which I'm taking next month, but since I haven't updated in ages (and it's prom season) I might as well. I present to you...**

**STAG HUNTERS!**

Prom was just around the corner, and students at Goode High School were flocking to the Student Store in droves to buy prom tickets before the prices went up. It was a huge affair at Goode; everyone turned out in the best dresses and suits they could find at the nicest out of New York City's affordable venues (which in all honesty were only decent).

At least it wasn't in the gym like homecoming and the Sadie Hawkins dance had been.

Guys, I officially announce that there was a huge time skip in the story. Because nothing important really happened.

Never mind. Important stuff happened, like Christmas, seeing Annabeth, Jason, Piper, his dad (Poseidon; he saw Paul every day already), Leo, Tyson, Frank, Hazel, Grover, and everyone else. Other than that, it had been school, spending Spring Break in the cabin in Montauk (and a surprise visit from Poseidon),and not much else. Nico was still living with them as per Hades's request, and really nothing noteworthy occurred besides Nico being a little less antisocial and having recently been kind of befriended by a few other seniors, although he personally didn't have much of a connection with them.

You see, Percy had a problem. He'd gone to homecoming and the Sadie Hawkins with a few friends, but these friends had dates who were somewhere near the area for this dance. (I told you prom was kind of a big deal.) Annabeth was at her school in San Francisco, probably going to prom with her friends or not going at all, too busy to fly all the way across the country to go with Percy. Never mind the cost of flying, and never mind the cost of the prom ticket that would most likely rest on Percy's shoulders since she had to pay for her flight. Oh, and one more thing: There was no way in Tartarus Percy was going with another girl.

"Just go stag," Paul suggested. "You know, without a date."

"Dad. All of my friends have girlfriends, they're going to be ignoring me, and I'm not asking out any other girl." Percy didn't want to be that one awkward guy in the middle of the dance floor without a date...or more importantly, friends. His friends' dates were not the kind of girls he wanted to be with: clingy, annoying, etc, etc, etc... "I mean, there's Beckii, but it's going to be weird dancing with some other girl. And she wants to ask out some other guy."

A quick run-down of Percy's friends:  
>Rick, a clumsy albeit good soccer player with a goofy class-clown personality like Leo's but minus the hyperactive energy and quick thinking<br>Sanjay, a smooth-talking, way-too-smart-for-his-own-good guy with a 4.67 GPA and the coolest motorcycle Percy had ever seen, aside from Ares's which was just disturbing  
>Beckii, whose real name was Rebecca-May and had the unfortunate surname of Cruel despite being the exact opposite, and had a YouTube channel on video games, anime, and makeup<p>

"Don't worry about it! The worst-case scenario is that you have to check with Annabeth if it's okay for you to go with another girl as friends, or you third-wheel on someone, because Annabeth's prom is the same night as yours and she'll want to be with her friends."

Percy did buy his prom ticket, resolving to go "stag," whatever that meant.

"'Stag?' What does that mean anyway?" Nico wondered. "It sounds like you're going to grow antlers and start prancing around like an idiot."

"I have no idea. But I'm not gonna not go, so that's what will happen. Dude, I just got this crazy idea."

"What?"

"I'm going to dress up as a stag hunter. Maybe get some fake antlers to carry in my pocket. Or an actual stag." Percy laughed. This was going to be the most epic prom Goode had ever seen, and this was going to be one of Percy's stupidest ideas. Maybe not. Percy had stupider ideas on a daily basis.

"Or Harry Potter," Nico said quietly.

"Since when were you interested in Harry Potter?"

"Well..." Nico squirmed uncomfortably, twisting his skull ring as he usually did when something was bothering him. "Apparently a stag has something to do with Harry Potter." **(A/N: I have no idea either, but apparently Harry's patronus is a stag or something. Go ahead and correct me if I'm wrong.)**

Percy stared into space, trying to figure something out. _There's something up with Nico, _he mused. _He's acting really weird. _He dug through his faulty memory for anything that might lend a clue to Nico's strange behavior. _There was this girl in Nico's French class I had to deliver a note from the office to one time, and it was class colors day so instead of just wearing red like the rest of the freshmen she went full-on Gryffindor and had a cape and a want and everything. What was her name again? _"A girl?" Percy blurted.

"Where in Tartarus did that come from?" Now Nico seemed to be shrinking, embarrassed, into his aviator jacket which he for some reason was still wearing despite it being May and way too hot to need one. He might even have been blushing.

"You know, that girl in your French class who is a huge fan of Harry Potter. Isn't her name Gabby Ellen or something?"

"Gabrielle? No."

"You like her." Percy grinned evilly, feeling a surge of prankmasterlike diabolicalness. "Nico and Gabrielle, sitting in a tree, um, watching Harry Potter? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Shut up."

"Admit it. You have a crush on Gabrielle."

Nico whipped out his sword, glaring at Percy. "I said, shut up!"

Beckii did have another date, eliminating any hope for Percy of having some unattached person to hang out with at prom. In fact, the date in question was the guy who had first found Nico hiding out in a dimly lit corner of a hallway one day during lunch and invited him, a bit too warmly, into his friend group. They were four guys in a geeky but awesome rock band and all had weird nicknames, but Beckii's date had the weirdest of all.

"It's not that weird," she insisted.

"Only because YOU think it's cute," Percy countered.

"But seriously. Think about how much guts he has to call himself something that could get him beat up if he was a dorky freshman."

Percy still couldn't believe one of his friends was going to prom with a guy who called himself Sparkles.

"With an asterisk at the end," Beckii reminded him.

Percy groaned. Man, she was really into this guy.

"Percy! Get over it!" She punched him, a non-unusual occurrence.

Then again, Percy still couldn't believe that Nico was eating lunch with a bunch of outgoing, anime-and-video-game nerd, upperclassmen.

Finally it was prom night, and Sally, Paul, and Nico wished him good luck as he left the house in his ridiculous getup and walked to the subway station. He got a few-actually more than a few-weird glances, but other than that, nothing happened. As Percy strolled out of the subway station like the high-roller he was pretending to be for the moment, he got a text from Sanjay: _Where are you? We were supposed to all meet at the entrance at seven. _Percy smirked. It was seven-thirty (there had been a delay involving an unusually large crowd in the station where he transferred lines), but he had a greater mission which Schrodinger no Neko will NOT reveal until you absolutely need to know.

"Percy!" Rick exclaimed as soon as he got over the initial shock of seeing Percy to speak. "What happened to your tux?!" His girlfriend looked a bit scandalized, and whispered something to him which he ignored.

Percy tried to act cool. "What tux?"

Sanjay stared for a few moments. "Wow." He flashed his usual grin, most often seen by teachers when he was trying not to get in trouble. "Nice costume."

Percy glanced behind him to notice Nico's creepy French teacher, who was also staring.

Beckii and Sparky ("_It's Sparkles*, goshdarnit, Percy!" said Neko) _were probably trying to figure out exactly which fandom Percy was representing, before remembering he wasn't part of any fandoms. Heck, he practically lived in one himself. "So you're going..." Beckii cracked up. "Stag?"

"Yup," Percy replied. "Stag."

In case you haven't figured out yet, Percy was dressed as a stag.

**Now you know why I mentioned prom. I didn't go, since I went to Winter Formal and plan to go next year and it's freaking expensive. Seriously. Think about it. $50-200 for a dress, $50 for shoes and accessories, 100 for a ticket, however much it is to split the cost of a limo with my friends, 20 if I want to get my nails done (which I probably won't because I can do them myself, and since I gave up on hair when I cut it short two years ago so I would never pay to get my hair done either) for two years in a row and that adds up to a lot. Never mind that I'm dealing with marching band fees, AP test fees (there are other things I'd rather do with $100) and this fall college application fees. But some of my friends went, and said it was awesome. **

**How was the chapter? Lots of random humor as usual, and I had fun writing it. Told you I'd bring back Gabrielle and M. Effrayant. Anyway, there was a major shout out in this chapter. So I'll have you guess what the reference is. Hint: It's a band. Extra kudos if any of the MEMBERS of that band are reading this and leave me a review, although I doubt that will happen. **

**I can't believe this is the second to last chapter. Actually I can. Whatever. Stay tuned for the next and last...**

**-Neko**


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